I didn’t tell him much about my situation but I could tell my lyft driver was a believer in love. He told me to have faith and that everything would be okay. My only trouble is how do I move forward when that trust between me and my lover is broken? But here’s the thing he’s not only my lover he’s my first love and the father of my child our first child. I know at this point there’s nothing much that I can do but let the distance between us restore what was lost. I’m not happy and he doesn’t seem to be the man I fell in love with… So maybe we aren’t even the people we fell in love with anymore? It’s only been a day since my son and I made our way from Las Vegas to Ohio to give the relationship some time and space. I told myself that I wasn’t going to sit around and be sad and constantly think about what he was doing but it’s impossible. We’ve literally been side by side for the past two years we are all we know especially because neither of us have much family out there. We said that we’d talk everyday but I just picked a fight and I couldn’t even tell you why, maybe it’s the wine. Sometimes I think my mind is playing tricks on me and maybe I’m just not what he wants anymore even though he tells me otherwise. I guess at this point only time will tell if he and I are truly meant for one another.
Just trying to imagine how far this could actually take me. Will I ever be somebody’s favorite writer? Will they google me the way I Google James Baldwin, adore Poe, and envision doing drugs with Huxley? I always felt like I had the talent it’s just sometimes I feel like we let the idea of money come into play and take us away from what we really actually want to do. I think with this blog some days it will be my thoughts and topics varying the days along with some advice. I’m no expert so if I ever tell you guys anything wrong don’t be upset, because I’m learning just like you guys ya know? But it feels amazing outside, losing my tran of thought because it’s multiple things happening around me so bbl!