My Dam Soul

Poeteer

My Dam Soul

I run from my past

And I hide from my fears

But I’m not going to start all over again

I’ve been building this up for years

I just want to cry out

But there’s never any tears

For the waters of my soul

Are suppressed behind this dam

And I will never let them through

Because I’m afraid to change who I am

Yes, I’m afraid

Afraid that the condition of my soul has been delayed

And with sorrow and confusion

I have paid

The ghastly cost

But the more I pay

The more that my life is lost

So I slowly fade away

As I dry up

Day by day

But this dam that I have made

Is not strong enough for my waves

The waters of my soul

Will break it down

And it will fall

And I surely won’t survive the impact

No, not…

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Stuck

So last night I was walking my dog Kendall and happened to run into this random guy at the park. I was sitting on the other side of the park but saw a cigarette light so I knew I wasn’t alone I usually come to the park at night and watch the stars and moon and meditate I call it the “contemplation bench” I sit here usually twice a day when I  need some clarity. So I already knew my dog was going to end up barking his head off so I prepared myself to get up. Something told me to go talk to the guy so I did we ended up blazing and talked about life it was interesting.

The guy and I are so much alike he’s 23 and he’s traveled all over the US he went and traveled on the road with his old mag team and I thought that was pretty awesome he wants to travel throughout Russia and learn martial arts and I told him how I wanted to travel as well and just go somewhere far and forget about everything and everyone I know.

Yes it sounds a little selfish but last night was completely eye opening to me. We talked about our lives and our paths and how people follow a certain way of life and deep down inside they know exactly how that story ends, I don’t want to be a girl who follows a life of misery because I was afraid to do what I wanted. Relating back to my last post I know how this life ends why not do something different. If your life is predictable you’re not living the right way it just doesn’t make sense.

So I came home and began thinking to myself and thought about how unhappy I am at the moment because I’m so bored with my life its frustrating its literally the same everyday. I guess I’m really good at faking it.

Yesterday was like the day of understanding I had a weird dream I don’t remember it fully but I do remember a guy telling me the way that I am living my life I’m going to be stuck if I don’t do something about it (my life) and I just remembered going straight to tears and crying because he was so right and I don’t want to be stuck.

I called a good friend I know who gives me hope in all my situations we didn’t talk long because he was on his way to class he told me he was in Paris and I instantly felt better  (for a moment) at least someone is getting out and seeing the world. And you know what? I will do the same…

I want everyday to be different .

I’m growing pretty bored of my life I may as well be a dead man.. so many people in my life follow some sort of structure in their life and it makes it hard to fit in when you’re always the odd one out. A rebel.

A Manual of Occultism

Historic Occult

Cover page for “A Manual of Occultism”

There were many informational books about the occult published in the late 19th and early 20th century.  Quite a few of these books were about how to perform occult activities, such as stage hypnotism, tarot readings and this week’s more general text “A Manual of Occultism.”  With chapters on astrology, palmistry, occult arts, and alchemy this 300 page book is a relatively comprehensive resource on the discussed activities.

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Dublin Core Metadata

Title: A manual of occultism

Creator: Sepharial, 1864-1929

Subject: “Astrology” “Palmistry” “Hypnotism” “Alchemy”

Description: An early 20th century manual on astrology, palmistry, hypnotism and alchemy.

Publisher: William Rider & Son, Ltd.

Date: 1914

Type: text

Format: pdf

Source: Internet Archive. https://archive.org/details/manualofoccultis01seph

Language: English

Rights: No copyright page found

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The Alchemist

Wow, So I just finished The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and I’m completely blown away like seriously. For those of you who haven’t read it yet it’s the story of a shepherd named Santiago who is on the quest to his Personal Legend and whom he meets on the way to help him on the way to his path. He finds himself, like a quest to self. But the book in my opinion was a good omen for me.

For awhile I’ve felt so lost about my life and path. I told my mom the other day I felt as if I were just a wanderer going about life unsure of what to do. It’s not necessarily a bad thing I’m just trying to find myself I guess but I know finding myself is something that no one can show me I have to do it myself its more of an inner thing ya know? I feel like there’s like two parts of who I am. One side wants to just dream, travel, love and become a learner of all things in the world (like study everywhere I travel). That part of me sees nothing permanent in life because she’s not afraid of gaining or losing.  I wanna go on a pilgrimage just somewhere I can be alone traveling and find myself in the midst of it all like Santiago does. He travels from his home country to Africa his destination was Egypt.

And the other part of me wants to play it safe, finish college, travel, and maybe just dream of doing all the amazing things in the world but not actually doing them. Basically people please and that’s never the way to go. People really don’t understand me but maybe this will help :

Santiago’s father wanted him to become a priest and Santiago told his father he wanted to become a shepherd and travel all around the world and see things. His father told him they lived in the best country and had the most beautiful women but that wasn’t enough. Carrying on the father gave Santiago his blessing and Santiago said he looked in his father’s eyes and saw that he dreamt of traveling and seeing the world at one point but never did.

Soooooo basically I wanna be the girl who goes for any and everything I’m not afraid of failing that only helps you grow as a person and that’s all I hope to do. The book helped me to understand alchemy a lot better to. I just know I really gotta tap more into myself and really listen to my heart because all things are one and there is one universal language and we all understand it.  We’re never truly lost I don’t I just think we lose sight with all the distractions in the world.

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Day Four : Identify Your Audience

Motivational song 🙂

So today at work was starting off like it usually does a little slow and I always expect that (I go door to door) and my first couple pitches are always kinda sucky like just terrible. So I was like okay whatever I’ll shake this off but as the day began progressing I realized my attitude was becoming a little negative, and it was super hot outside so I just started feeling like the day was going to be a terrible one and I wasn’t going to make any deals.

What my job basically consists of is calling my team leader to the door at least once or twice an hour because that raises his chances of closing a deal for us (other team members). Really my job is very simple and I get paid lovely for it. Seriously all I have to do is make a phone call but today just seemed like people weren’t hearing me and being really mean :(.

We have rebuttals for every objection the homeowner gives us so there’s no reason why we shouldn’t be making any phone calls. So I ended up finally getting a call in and the customer I tried to qualify actually failed qualification and you can imagine how that made me feel I was already having a crappy day and then this guy ends up not being qualified I was back at square one. We knock from 4-9 and it was about 6 at that time so I continued to knock doors and eventually my team leader pulled me to the side and gave me a pep talk and my other team member pepped me up a bit because he had already closed a deal earlier that day and its always a good day when your team leader closes a deal but even better when you can celebrate together! 🙂

So it’s about 7:30 I’m walking down the street and I go up to this guys house and we hit it off (complimented his trucks). Long story short I closed a deal and got to play with my customers dogs :).  That’s why it’s always important to maintain a positive attitude because you never know how the day is going to turn out. My job is living proof that you have to maintain a positive attitude because you don’t know if you’re going to write or not. And even though I was having a bad day I kept telling myself the day isn’t over I’m going to get a deal tonight I’m going to write. You just have to constantly remind yourself and I truly believe that. So anybody out there who feels as if their life is going downhill or you feel as if things can’t possibly get better or worst just remember you’re always in control!  A smile and positive attitude goes a VERY long way. Ohhhhh and click motivational song you’ll enjoy!

Day 3 : Say Hello to the Neighbors

Alas! I’m glad this was actually an assignment because I was looking into finding more blogs to follow I’ve just been a little lazy, I enjoy reading other people’s blogs and just learning from other people’s lives. Engaging in the blogging community was probably one of the best decisions I ever made. So I followed a German literature blog, a horror film blog, a woman’s blog I found under the tag of 20s (I’m constantly looking for advice pages for people in their 20s) although I don’t take much advice these days it’s still good to look into it why not? I don’t know what I am doing lol. And I found some more blogs under the blogging 101 tag. So yessss there you have it. I’m not sure what this post is actually supposed to be about but hey here it is lol.

Day Two : Take control of your title and tagline

Wellllllll since I recently just changed the name of my blog I’ll just go ahead and tell you all the meaning behind it. The Metamorphosis of Lone is basically just a way to share my evolution or transition from my old mindset to a new mindset or even I guess to a certain degree a new way of life. So much has happened and changed in my life so fast I can see the growth and I’d love to share all my growth via blog. So as I grow people will get to read about my life and how it changes. I see my life as the evolution of a butterfly really going through all four stages so I only thought it was right that my blog be named the metamorphosis of lone because lone is someone totally different from Loneesa. Loneesa is quiet, shy, and introverted. As I begin to come into lone lone is relentless, lone doesn’t care, she just goes for it, lone is the true definition of a leader. And lone is someone that I’ve always tried to be I just didn’t know how, well……. I just didn’t think I was ready. I remind myself of a butterfly a lot of the time. Which is where metamorphosis comes from. So there you have it folks the theme or reason behind my title.

Day 1 : Introduce Yourself to the world .

Well hello everyone!! My name is Loneesa but I go by Lone. I’m 21 years old, a huge film and music lover, I’m a little unsure about my future at times and a bit of a hopeless romantic but that’s okay for now, I want to travel all around the world and my goal is to be retired by age 30 (9 years from now!) Lol anywho my blog was just basically a way for me to get more comfortable sharing my writing with others instead of it all just being in my journal. Now I do still keep a journal but my blog was just a place that I could be heard. I wanted this to be a place where girls could seek, give advice, or even just shoot the breeze. I really talk about anything on here from life experiences, relationships, emotions, or even share some of my writing. One day I hope to be a successful author and through this blog I just hope to hone my skills. That’s all 🙂