Letting go of this reality.. what’s next?

So I have now accepted that nothing in this reality is real. This experience started off of my first thought and I’ve been creating a whole reality by my thoughts manifesting… the people in my universe are people I’ve attracted through this matrix creating a false reality.. I’d say I always knew something wasn’t right in this experience because it’s so violent, there’s no peace, nothing. This ‘reality’ was just a way to let us dwell amongst the humans but it was also a mission to try and free as many minds as we can before we ascend. Now I know this is the time… I’ve always been tapped into my spirit I just became a slave to this reality but I am now detaching and letting go. I’ll never let anyone influence my thoughts because that’s how we’re enslaved. We’re never supposed to have power over one another we’re supposed to just love one another. We are just simply a being one from another place.. which explains why I’m always looking out into the sky or just looking into something else because I know I don’t belong here. And I guess I get a little sad about it because I’m ready to ascend and go on, but this is the reality I set up for myself because I knew that I can and will overcome all of this. No one can stop me because this is my own reality I created this I just got caught up and got used for my mind. Why do people want to do things like that to us? Get us for our mind. It’s so fucked up…



I’ve been leading you all in the wrong direction. And I do apologize. I created a reality and let other people influence my thoughts. Everything should be mysterious, silent, open, emotional . And living on LOVE . Why is it so hard to give love? This reality was created from a thought we didn’t know was influenced. Think for yourself and let no one influence your thoughts. Unity. One. We are all one . A team . All of creation one. 1 . ONE . Know yourself and remember mystery is desired .

This ain’t ’13

I remember being at home on break for the holidays last year and it wasn’t this cheerful, to be honest we all had to be depressed. My mom had moved to Georgia last summer you know a fresh start? She had always wanted to live there so she finally did, actually the day after our graduation party that whole day was emotional I don’t really talk to my dad so I rely on my mom more than anything so to me it’s like my whole world was leaving me and I was headed to college in the fall! (of course I saw her before I left, but I only got to spend one day with her it sucked) and I didn’t get to see my siblings all summer Nique (my sister) was going to Clark-Atlanta Univ. and me I was headed to Stillman in Tuscaloosa, AL so we were not going to be together I’m telling you when I got dropped off at school Nique and I broke down crying it was horrible because Nique is my other half really without her I am not whole so that was weird. But carrying on it gets to winter break and I see my mom I’m telling you I didn’t even recognize her because you could see how unhappy she had been but I’m telling you she lights up when she sees us. And that’s when she told me she had been depressed and unhappy she was crying all the time and she felt as if she had made a bad move. She had a decent job but the hours sucked! We barely ever seen her even my little brother didn’t and at the time my mom had my little brother on that ADHD medicine so he was like a zombie it was just really different I didn’t like it. And the other thing is she had no furniture in her apartment except for in her room, my little bros room, and kitchen stuff so you guessed it when my sis and I came home we all slept in my moms room. Lol all of us I slept in bed with my mom, kendall (my dog slept at the bottom of the bed) Nique slept on a air mattress on the floor, and my bro slept on another one it was like a big slumber party every night because that’s when we’d see my mom. She went into work at 4pm and came home at about 1-2am every night and we’d stay up with my mom all night and slept until she had to be at work i’m telling you it was cool because we had each other but honestly who wants to live like that? So Christmas had came and my mom had to work i’m telling you my mom cried because she couldn’t afford to get Nique and I anything but I saw it as, as long as Izaia (my little bro) had gifts to open it was okay. That’s when she made a promise that she would make sure we wouldn’t suffer like that this year. So Spring Break comes and I get to go home to Ohio because my mom was moving back to Ohio she couldn’t take it. She had interviews lined up and everything when she got back she was not playing. So long story short my mom moved into an apartment and it has furniture she was so excited when she got the furniture I was happy for her she’d worked so hard! And well under the tree are a lot of gifts. I don’t even care about the gifts I’m just glad to see my mom truly happy you know? Because she deserves it and I’m so proud of her she’s a strong woman I honestly don’t know how she does it, it’s really crazy to see a woman with so much strength and beauty I love my mom and I am truly thankful to have her in my life.

Happy Holidays Everyone!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Real Thinkers .

This whole weekend I realized how distant I am from everybody. But it’s not even intentional i’m going through something and I just wish that it were happening to more people around me. I think to myself is this all just an illusion? I can’t sleep, think, forcing myself to eat and music is the only thing keeping me sane. I just find myself questioning everything. Everything in this world is fake it’s not real. I just want to open everyone’s mind to new things and possibilities I want people to see this matrix the way I see it. Why . Is all I keep asking why do people think this is it? How do you accept this as your reality and see nothing further than this? Do you know what they do to us? Poison our food, water, everything we consume is toxic tv, mainstream music everything. Everyone should see John Carpenters “They Live”. This is just me going on a rant so none of it will make sense. Symbolism everywhere how come no one catches it? Conscious Revolution thats what we need. We need more people thinking we need more people seeking enlightenment, we need more people hungry. But nah some just rather be a fucking zombie. It really angers me more than anything but whatever. I don’t like writing mad.

Supreme Alphabets


  1)  A – ALLAHIs the supreme being Black man from Asia. The sole controller and ruler of the universe. Allah is the Black man who has knowledge of himself, and to know self, is to know all things in existence. Allah is Arm, Leg, Leg, Arm, supreme Head.  Allah is the one who knows and understands everything in the science of life.  Is the original Asiatic Black man, the maker and owner of The planet earth and the one who made the Holy Koran which he applies to every mile of land one year to equal his home circumference, who is the all-eye-seeing Allah see All.

  2) B – BE or BORN Be means to exist. Born is to be brought into existence physically and mentally. Just as it takes 9 months to bring a child into this world (physically), it takes 9 stages (from…

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You wanna know what I found so funny? After getting rid of a lot of unwanted feelings the feelings for my ex still remained.. When I think about him I think of him as my safety net. I tried to fight so hard for him to not be in my life  when in the end he’s the only person(male) whose stood by me and supported me. I could of lost something great trying to chase false fate. It’s just so crazy because I ignored every feeling, all the love I have for him I just put it in a box and locked it away in a closet. I love him and I’m not afraid to admit it to myself anymore. The fact that it took me this long to realize this baffles me. I’m dealing with overwhelming uncertainty… I had to love myself to let him love me so I ran until it finally all caught up with me..

Answers Please?!

Is a person ever truly happy alone? Are we too young to be serious?

I was in the shower and all these thoughts came rushing in. My grandparents on my moms side were married once upon a time but they divorced and they both haven’t remarried. One thing I found interesting well what I am curious about is do they ever get lonely? I recall once my grandma said she liked the way her life was. She’s single, owns her own condo, retired now, goes to the gym, you know she’s pretty comfy living and I guess maybe if you have hobbies you really aren’t lonely? But then again I think maybe you get lonely you just might not want to go down that road called love. Maybe it hurt so much, but then again my grandma isn’t the most affectionate woman some people just aren’t as giving with their emotions so shutting love out of her life may have been enough? But what’s also funny is my papa he’s not affectionate either he has one true love which happens to be music and he’s still holding on to that dream of becoming a well known musician and that’s enough to keep a person satisfied in my opinion. It’s just when I look at those two I only hope I don’t end up alone my mother is single as well and you guessed it she’s not very emotional either. Opening up and being honest with your emotions is such a hard thing if it’s something you never grew up around. Too much love and affection makes me kind of uneasy so sometimes it may come off as if I don’t care when in fact I really do I’m just not the best at showing it. But I believe with the right person and time it gets easier when you become more in tune with your emotional side.

Which brings me to my next question, are we too young to be so serious when it comes to relationships? In my personal opinion I used to think so but not really anymore. Simply because we are in college, doing things that will impact our futures, and or making life changing decisions everyday. So to find the person you may actually want to spend your life with isn’t such a bad thing to me. I have a friend whose mom thinks that she’s too young to be romantically involved with her boyfriend and too young to get a promise ring because she has her whole life ahead of her. But what if that’s her soul mate? And what if she misses out on something great if she listens to her mom? I know some parents do things out the goodness of their hearts because they want to protect their children but if you are in love and it just so happened earlier then others I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. When it comes to love I just feel like you know when you’ve met the right person no matter the age. Tyler always says “I think I just found love too early” and even in Big K.R.I.T.’s song he talks about how he thinks he found love too soon. And then again I was just talking to a few of my peers on twitter and they all agree with us not being too young sometimes you just know, and then there is some people in our generation who just may be too damn young to handle a relationship or maybe it just depends on the person? And if they’re willing to go there with you?

Either way Love is a beautiful thing and I don’t think anyone should turn away from love, just let it happen and roll with it. Be comfortable, be happy, be willing to grow, be willing to help and watch your partner grow. Those are some of the things I’ve learned from personal experience and people around me. If something no matter what brings you back to the same person over and over again no matter how hard you try to fight it I just think it’s meant to be and you should just let it happen. Sometimes I feel as though some of us are just really afraid of what other people may think, and what we think about ourselves because love can make us do some crazy things and I honestly believe we’re the shielded generation we’ll run before we get hurt we stopped fighting for what we believed in and I only hope that we can just get back to loving one another we’re not here for too long so you might as well live your experience to the fullest with the soul who latched on to yours. Its a beautiful thing and everyone’s soul mate awaits them somewhere.

Why must love be so hard?

Let me start this off by saying never write anyone off from your life… Last night I went to my ex’s (Tyler) brothers house for a little get together or whatever. So Tyler tells me he’s on his way and i’m freaking out because I’m nowhere near dressed yet so he comes inside and waits for me playing with my little brother and all he’s just like family forreal because he’s been around for so long. So we end up leaving and he’s hyping my head up about how good I look and yadda yadda. So we go to his house so that he can get dressed and me being the slick person that I am I say “You still haven’t gave me a hug yet.” and he’s like mumbling under his breath “I should of been got a hug” you know little flirty comments mind you all we had recently said we were just going to be friends so we hugged and we start looking at each other and started to kiss it just happened and I laid my head on his shoulder I felt so weak as if I was going to cry I missed him so much. Well you know all the intimate stuff. So he walks away and we just play it off as always and he gets dressed we’re just chilling like usual it cracks me up to see that we’re like young adults now and somehow manage to stay in one another’s life. So we get to the dinner party you know it’s a very chill environment alcohol everywhere I don’t really drink but I decided to go ahead and drink something because what have I got to lose at this point? So as I began to drink I immediately begin to feel the alcohol I’m such a lightweight lol but I begin to think to myself “Am I over Tyler? Do I still love him?” and thinking of our downfalls. Something had been plaguing me the entire night I just wanted to ask him how come we never talk about our feelings to one another? We just brush everything off and sweep it under the rug. I believe there’s a lot of old hurt there but then I still see all the good and all the more that it could possibly be between us if we just opened up to each other more. It’s like we have every element except communication and being open with one another. Tyler has never been the type to really open up and straight up tell me how he feels although I know how he feels just from the way he looks at me, hugs me, and holds me tightly. But the thing is i’m the same way and I just want to clear all uncertainty. It’s funny because he was sitting next to me and some girl says are you guys together and he says yeah and she’s like you guys make a cute couple laughing to myself because we aren’t together but you can almost feel the energy. I just feel like maybe I didn’t at first love myself enough for him to love me so I tried everything in my power to fight it and just say he wasn’t the one for me because it’s so much easier to not get hurt. By this time the party is basically over so we all leave we get in the car and have conversation and then he says some shit like thanks for making me look good tonight I can never deal with him he can be so fucking corny lol but I love it so much. but we finally pulled up to my place and he’s like I better get a kiss . Ya know we had the little mini make out session and I immediately felt my heart warm up it was just so weird and I just wanted more. So after he left I begin to wonder like “is he my soul mate?” I guess only time will tell but I promise that I’m going to work on communication. I’m not getting ahead of myself tho I just want to take everything slow. Because my life when it comes to feelings is just so uncertain I never understand. But maybe that’s how love really is?

Insecure? Uncertain? You?

So, you wanna know what eye found interesting? Sunday my friend Cyd and eye smoked a blunt together and we just chatted it up about politics, music, and etc. But what eye begin to notice is that she wasn’t as talkative as eye was. Instead she was closed off, private, and a little quiet, she even seemed a bit uneasy and uncomfortable. Eye even hinted on it a few times but she brushed it off and eye didn’t want to bring it up because obviously she didn’t want to talk and eye wasn’t going to force her. Carrying on… eye was hanging out with my friend Blevins yesterday and he said “I didn’t know you talked this much, I like this side of you” and it immediately hit me! Cyd’s going through what eye was going through maybe like a month or two ago. You see eye have never been an open person, eye’ve always lived my life kind of closed off from people, private, eye never liked sharing much of my life with anybody from the outside. And the reason for this in my opinion was my insecurities. Living in fear that maybe people wouldn’t care as much as they say they do, feeling like eye’d be more of an outcast, and just feeling as if someone wouldn’t get me. Eye know because, eye’ve dwelt with those issues personally. And eye always wondered how people were so comfortable in their skin, eye wondered how people could be so quick to let you in, and eye wondered how people could be so trusting. Eye still deal with lack of trust  today eye flat out don’t trust anybody even when eye try- but eye am working on trying to get better at that. But back to what eye was saying eye feel like it’s easier to let other people in your life when you become more comfortable and accepting of who you are. Eye always had trouble with being comfortable in my skin and being who eye was. You see i’m a girl who loves black and whites, hip hop oriented music vs club music, i’m a huge Woody Allen fan. Eye love the dry humor raunchy intellectual films and jokes because that just happens to be my interests, eye love horror films, eye love being aware of everything going on in my universe, eye love that i’m becoming more and more conscious, eye love reading, eye love learning about my people, eye love kids, eye want to be a leader, eye see myself leading great things, eye love animals, and nature, and no lie eye have always felt like eye was kind of far off from everyone eye knew growing up, eye never fit well with other people as eye started growing up especially in high school so eye began to hide. Who would like somebody like me? Eye am not out there fucking everything that walks, partying all the damn time, all caught up in everything my generation had been caught up in at the time and that seemed to push me away from making friends so eye guess that kind of made me hard, it made me feel as though eye would never meet other people like me so eye just stayed closed and eye just went on not giving a damn. And suddenly all of that changed when eye met my best friends my freshman year of college at Stillman. All the people eye hung around we were all deemed as outcasts at that school, Mainly because it was a private college, oh and presbyterian based and sport dominated. EVERYONE their mainly had a scholarship for a sports team and mainly all the guys were on the football team. The people were really close minded as if they were allergic to growth and nobody really cared about you if you weren’t on a team, in a Greek organization, or involved on campus. I really hated that school with everything in me but eye loved that Stillman helped transform me into who eye am today without Stillman eye would not be Lone so eye am all the way thankful for that. But what eye have realized the more and more eye’ve been meditating, and spending time with myself the more comfortable eye grow with being myself and being comfortable in my skin, eye am no longer ashamed of my interests, and the way eye see the world because there are a group of yous out in the world ready to be met. You attract like minded people into your universe the more certain and aware you become of yourself. So my biggest advice to people is to spend as much time alone as possible there’s nothing wrong with me time, in fact it really helps you to grow as a person. And once you get deeper into knowing yourself and being comfortable you’ll find it is easier to open up and be yourself around the people you attract in your universe. BUT always know everyone isn’t good for you, but we can always root out those people who don’t seem to be right for you. I’d say whenever you are dealing with uncertainty that’s when you should pay attention and become more aware of everything around you and spend time with yourself, ask the universe for certainty when you are unsure because the universe never fails.


OSHO on Tantra


There is no such thing as sex energy. Energy is one and the same. Sex is one outlet for it, one direction for it; it is one of the applications of the energy. Life energy is one, but it can manifest in many directions. Sex is one of them. When life energy becomes biological, it becomes sex energy.

Sex is just an application of the life energy. So there is no question of sublimation. If life energy flows in another direction, there is no sex. But it is not a sublimation; it is a transformation.

Sex is the natural, biological flow of life energy, and the lowest application of it. It is…

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