The girl curled up and started to drift off as she looked into the ceiling.
“We are all alike in so many ways”
“How is that so if I’m a human and you’re a room?”
“Because we’re always looking for that one to satisfy the void within this empty place”
I’m laid against my bed with my pillow prompted behind my head, the blinds are closed, the windows are open, a candles flames is dancing around while some background music by Nosaj Thing is playing yup I’m blazed again…. I would’ve been outside watching the sky but its raining, maybe when it stops? So it looks like I’m back to square one. Unsure about the future, forgetting the past, and looking for more opportunities to jump into the unknown. I realize I’m someone who gets a thrill out of taking risks.
But what happens when everyone else is so focused on this false reality of image? I mean everyday of their waking life consists of trying to find that approval. All their life they just play it safe. Eating healthier foods, trying to appeal to whom they think is the right crowd so much that they try to emerge themselves into so many activities they think the new crowd likes. Aren’t we fed up with trying to fit in and gain approval? Each day it gets a little harder and easier all at once trying to remain aware in our present moments so much that what the ego wants wont even matter after awhile and we won’t be so focused on our pasts, and futures.
I dunno these are just my 330pm thoughts.. who knows how I’ll feel about this later.
ohhh and sorry for not posting in awhile, I went out of town to Oh for a few days, and I’m just trying to get back into the swing of things.
p.s. nothing is permanent
I found myself in a cup of tea I prepared
What I saw really didn’t come as a surprise
Confusion at first
I was sound asleep
Even though I knew the rhythm of my heartbeat I’ve never actually experienced life
How could that be?
Just a wanderluster with suppressed dreams
So I just started doing some major writing for a project I’m working on just wanted to share it with you all :
When I was a little girl all I could ever remember was the turbulence of a ride. My mom, nique, and I. We were like a trio, from all that I can remember we never had a lot of money but somehow always managed to get by. There was always a man around, I even remember the first time I actually saw sex. I used to think boys only got exposed to such things. Books were the only thing that seemed to make sense so majority of my life had always been a bit of a fairy tale. Born a skeptic I questioned everything. “What’s that? Whose coming? Is this real?
I never believed much of what anyone said which led me to becoming untruthful. Especially if everything in my life felt like a lie. There was always this gut feeling I had about nothing ever lasting and all good things coming to an end in my life. Most of the time that theory was true. I can’t remember the exact day because everything literally happened so fast. My mom got married. My sister’s father, and mines spent most of our childhoods enslaved by the system so besides that the only man around was our papa and like any father to a daughter he was our hero. The tallest man I had ever seen dressed in his mechanic attire, with his auto zone hat leaning down to pick us up. I’d be rich if I saved every dollar he gave us from each visit.
We bought a house. This was the first time anything in my life ever had a permanent feeling to it. My mom has always reminded me of a bird always on the go. It was our first and last night as the trio in our new house. The green carpet held me tightly as we slept. For the first time in my entire life I actually had my own room although it was weird being separated from nique I eventually got used to it. It was a 5 bedroom home, we owned it and had the nickname of being the richest family on the street. See where I came from that was kind of hard to be in an all black neighborhood. Hamilton, Oh. Some parts were really well put together like where I lived and the further up you went there was front street where just about everything went down, drug addicts, hood negus claiming they’re hard a place nique and I were always forbid to go unless we were going to church. Yeah it was weird a church right in the middle of the hood. One day my big cousin Jasmine who was more like my older sister was holding our dance practice for praise dancing and pow pow pow we’re ducking in the church. It got crazy like that and I didn’t realize I lived in the actual hood until I got older.
Long street where I lived was like its own secret island. Where so many homes were broken I actually had one.
That’s all for now, snips will be dropped here and there.