Life honesty is all about letting go and that’s a problem we all have today. We don’t let go. We go through our biggest obstacles whether it be fear, hurt, pain we have to learn to let it go. And that is the true path to Ascension…
So I was thinking to myself about how bad I want to get published this year and how I will get published this year. I believe everyone has it in them to do great they just put their beliefs in the wrong place instead of believing in themselves they believe in God or something. I don’t ever wanna be the person to put my beliefs on anyone but my earth sisters and brothers have to wake up and realize their true potential. If you think a man in the sky is going to accomplish all your goals you are sadly mistaken but i’ll never push anybody away from something they believe in you know. I just feel like we need to start believing in ourselves and tapping into our true potential and overcoming self doubt and fear. What I came to realize is in order to conquer our fears we have to face them. Can’t anybody do that but us. Tap into our higher selves and vibrate higher preferably in the 5th dimension where nothing but love, happiness, harmony, and joy reside. I just felt the need to be a little inspirational this morning because I was in a bad place but I meditated and now I’m perfectly fine. So yeah guys. lol have a good day!
So for some reason I can’t escape the thought of whatever is plaguing me isn’t going to stop until I face it. Remember not to long ago I expressed how I felt I was crossing people over in my dreams? Well what I’ve come to know about dreams is that those are actual events happening in another dimension with our higher self. Don’t let that frighten you it’s only the truth! 🙂 But back to what happened last night I was sleeping and I woke up out of nowhere and I felt strange energy in the room once again but its never a bad feeling/presence. So I was reading something earlier telling me to open my heart because the truth lies within all of us we just have to access it and tune into our higher self and listen to what we are trying to tell ourself it’s important to live in balance. But okay i’m rambling so I opened my heart and you wanna know what was said to me? Well let me say this before I opened my heart I asked to receive my spiritual gifts I have a few and I’m learning how to control two the biggest one I know I have is being able to perceive beyond this realm. So when I opened my heart I was told that I can see people who have died and I do indeed help them on their way to the other side and then this girl I knew from my childhood popped up in my mind well get this she died like maybe 1-2 months ago and I was told that they know who killed her and my help will be needed to solve her murder. Do you know I tried my hardest to resist I think I heard her talking to me last night it sounded far away but I begin to grow scared I turned up the tv and ignored it I was afraid. And it also got me to thinking if that was her I saw the other day when I was walking Kendall I saw a blue orb and I read that blue means calm so it’s not like I wouldn’t of been in any real danger. But now it all makes sense I used to have the biggest fear of death I had a dream my mom died once, my sister, Kendall (my dog). But at the same time I’m so fascinated with death. I remember being a little girl and like every Sunday this show would come on it was a woman host and it would be a bunch of stories about people’s loved ones getting in contact with them from the other side me as a kid watching things like that was that even normal for a girl my age? I love horror films ever since I was a child I’d watch them by myself in the dark no fear. And i’m always looking out into somewhere always. So I completely lost my Tran of thought I was on the phone. I’ll be back when I get it together! Lol
So guys I have to tell ya’ll about my experience! Yesterday was just a beautiful day. Firstly I figured out that the best way to live your life is by believing in nothing. I feel like man has searched in math trying to find the idea of existence or God. Right? But math is infinite so how the hell would you even start? I feel like it starts with a balance and somehow we got separated from our balanced out self. So you have a -+ . We know that two negatives make a positive. I’ve been trying to figure out why that is. It’s the only thing that makes sense to me. Like Astrology, Yin and Yang. Okay so my cousin and I got into an argument (not going into detail) but
Just sitting here… on soundcloud the usual
thought back to when my sister and I were at a party and we said how we’re always in our own worlds when we go to parties like we’re so different and my sister is like “what the fuck?” Like “what the fuck?”
why are we so different and I’m like we remove ourselves from their world as if we’re on a higher vibration already and we just didn’t even know it HA! opposites attract!! Insecure but we’re actually the opposite of insecure we just don’t realize it. We always have people walking up on us like are you guys okay.
This also frustrated me I was uhm looking up Plato and it was explaining that at his school on a sign let no one ignorant of geometry enter and math was taught as a section in Philosophy. It’s righteously a revolution going on a conscious, religious, and race revolutions going on Back to something else that was cool that happened when I went outside (when I was angry) I was cooling off and had to tell myself to relax and chill and balance my energy out and asked to be filled with positive energy so I did that and I was standing by a dull lamp post the minute I begin feeling positive the light in the lamp post came completely on I wasn’t even tripped out I was happy about it. And I don’t see that as bad People automatically assume just because you’re not reading from the bible and following religion you’re evil. Like what!? I’m evil because I want to expand my mind and learn something? What the hell kinda shit is that!? I refuse to limit myself I’m going to be open to as much knowledge as I possibly can. The Ancient Knowledge. As above So below . That’s my rant for the night. I love you all 🙂
So I realized I had fell asleep but when I woke up I felt completely different the room felt different the vibe and the energy. I realized I was vibrating at a higher level than I usually do (I felt like I just smoked a blunt) when I’m in my normal frame of mind. I was able to see myself through my own eyes for the first time and it was weird I saw what I let emotions do to me so unhappy but why? There’s so much more to life than being upset. I guess because I’m letting go of old feelings and it’s been tearing me up on the inside…. I wasn’t letting go of the old feelings so I kept forcing myself to go through the same thing over and over again until I realized what had actually been holding me back… but I see now that I must move on and let go of the old and let the new into my life which makes perfect sense at this point… I can’t keep expecting this to go away on it’s on I have to face my problems it won’t be hard but it wont be easy either.
I wondered why he only entered my life when it was convenient for him. I had it all formed in my head
Landy: “I don’t see the point of us keeping one another around? You can’t possibly be what I need, why am I hanging on it’s only pointless, I’m hurting myself trying to force you to love me, and it only gets worst”
But it probably would of came out this way
Landy: “You’re about to graduate college and you’re definitely not going to want a girlfriend around, it’s pointless for me to hold on”
Landy talking to the camera: I truly felt like one of us just needed to say the magic words let go, but we’re afraid?
Landy: “I don’t want you to be apart of my reality popping in unexpectedly like a drive by”
Will: “I love you, because you’re you”
Landy slaps Will across the face
Landy: “You love me because I’m me? What the hell kind of explanation is that?!”
Landy talking to camera: I should of known it was over when things like this happened
Cues into scene
they’re sitting on the bed it’s quiet they’re looking at one another
Landy in an altered states wait for Will to say something romantic she answers
“Landy” “Yes?” as she looks at him all dreamy
Will: “Will you give me head?”
Landy: “You mean to tell me that’s all he was going to ask me? I don’t understand why they make a big deal about blow jobs? It’s only something you find desirable while me on the other hand am gagging trying to find the will in my heart to jack away with my mouth.”
Cues in to me talking
Landy talking to camera: I always felt like I didn’t really like sex much growing up, the thought of it always made me want to vomit, just touching and looking at it was enough for me to denounce my sex life any day. I’m always thinking of things that people don’t think about. My mind is constantly cluttered with thoughts and ideas on how the world should be and nobody’s been able to distract my mind but I don’t want to say I know everything because I don’t” I’d just like to fall in love with someone who challenges my mind everyday, we spend most of our time learning, talking about things so simple, and having no problems because we are not influenced by the people in our surroundings we’re able to stay unharmed in our own reality hidden from the world just a place created by me and you”
So what I came to conclusion about after meditating is that all I want to do is live freely . I will do any and everything that I want to do because I am in control of my own life.. I will live in nothing but love, joy, harmony, and positivity like those are the essentials to life. I am breaking away from who I thought I was and who I am and who I am meant to be. It’s like I tried everything and now I found who I am. I feel like a kid again because that’s when I was myself before I was swept up into society and what society liked or what was considered the ‘norm’. Now don’t get me wrong I’ve always been true to myself just when it came to certain things I tried to fit in with everyone and now my mind is stronger than ever and I can say that I am truly myself. I think it’s truly important know who are, who you want to be, and what you want from this experience. Especially as we begin our soul missions and on the path to wandering towards our destiny. I don’t know where I came from but what I do know is that the we coexist within the spiritual realm and I know for a fact that I can tap into that world just for the simple fact that I used to have dreams about me crossing people over to the other side and you know what I read when we’re dreaming our spirit leaves our physical body so those were definitely real events occurring. It’s interesting because when I was at Stillman I had a dream about crossing someone over : I was sleep and my uncle Deon called me and said that grandma king had been waiting on me and I said I know because she was standing outside of my door waiting on me. She was waiting on me to cross her over to the other side so after that the next day in class I found out some girls grandma in my class had died I didn’t know the girl so I couldn’t ask questions. I tell you that dream creeped me all the way out I went and asked my religion professor for questions, my English professor, talked to my friends I was so afraid… But that’s not the first time I had a dream like that I used to have them a lot when I was younger. Or just about people close to me dying and I believe that was because I was afraid of death at the time but now?! Ohhh i’m completely infatuated with learning more about death, and afterlife, and what happens next because I find it amazing how this universe works. I believe in reincarnation basically and I know there’s life after death I’m just so eager to know about it. Just a huge ass fan of supernatural, sci-fi. At one point in my life I thought everyone around me was dead just because everyone that’s close to me has had a thought about suicide so maybe they went through with it and I created this whole reality. See when I have thoughts like that I feel like bro wtf is going on? Then I assure myself no it’s okay to think outside of the box. I still think it to this day I try not to though because I don’t think that’s the case but I am slowly reaching the point of not being able to decipher what true reality is. I think the life we’re living as humans is an illusion and when we die that is the true reality. Who knows… I’m like rambling at this point so yeah i’ll stop here lol
I didn’t want him to feel my tears as I began to weep
It was the first time I confided in someone
It was beautiful
Holding me close he said that I was brave
My throat tightened…
He knew exactly what to say
You never give anybody a chance to love you
You’re always pulling away
Automatically assuming no one can help you
So you hide, hide behind your insecurities
Behind your private panic attacks
You hide behind who you really aren’t
You’re afraid to break free
At war with ego .
You don’t have it altogether..
Stop pretending… You don’t have it altogether…
You don’t have it altogether…
Stop pretending, and just be yourself…
So by now everyone should be acquainted with Tyler and who he is if not he’s my ex that never really left my life. I’ve known him for 6 years so we kind of grew up together. Well lately I’ve just been having a really hard time I’ve been feeling like I need to get a lot of stuff off my chest and I wanted to talk to someone other than my sister about my problems. Tyler and I have always had bad communication like always like that is the downfall with us we just have bad communication. So we had smoked and we were just laying there I was really in my feelings and I was just telling him how I felt like I never had anybody to talk to and that I felt like people used me just for someone to confide in. So he tells me that he’s all ears and that he would listen. I was so scared to talk to him and tell him how I felt but eventually I realized I had nothing to lose so I went for it. I let him in about how I felt people used me, my insecurities, and lastly what’s been going on with me lately (going through ascension). I couldn’t believe how great I felt after talking to him now I feel like I can definitely tell him everything. Everything I was afraid of I just let him in. Honestly the reason why I never did is because I felt like nobody would understand me but he gave me great advice… I was so mad at myself for not sharing my feelings with him in the first place I kept him in the dark out of fear of him not being able to understand what I was going through. I’m just truly grateful to have someone like him in my life and now I definitely feel as though we can move forward and I don’t have to feel like I have nobody to go to. Like just being able to tell him everything makes me feel comfortable and at peace. He’s seriously my heart and I’d never put anyone else above him. I won’t ever try to push him away because that day let me know that that is where true love lies. And it’s sad that I’m just now realizing that. He’s always been my best friend and he always will be. My lover and my best friend and I don’t know where I’d be without him.