I’ve had so many things on my mind lately I don’t even know where to start on this post I’ve deleted like 3 different sentences starting off lol. I guess I never realized how much I do enjoy my blog and how much I really do love sharing my experiences, advice, or etc. with the world. I’ve been super lazy this week with work I can tell you all that but then again that’s not an excuse writing is always my number 1 priority so I’ll get back in the groove of that. I don’t know if I’ve shared with you all but recently I finished Giovanni’s Room and it made me sorry that I just got into his writing I read Sonnys Blues twice both for English classes but I always thought that was such a good story it kind of reminded me of my sister and I minus the drugs it was more along the lines of being so protective you always want the best for them like I know we’re a year apart yet I feel so much older than her. It’s strange..

But anywho I’ve been telling myself I want to study and read more novels written by German novelists and poets. I find what I’ve read so far from them they write along the lines of morality, good and evil and I guess maybe since I’m a bit interested in philosophy myself it forced me to want to dive in head first. I see it like this the more you know and take in the better success rate you have for a really interesting novel.

Now I’ve been in the research stages of my fiction memoir and I really want to get it started I just don’t know how or where to start it’s frustrating a little but I know we can’t ever force writing it just has to come on its own. Which brings me to my next conclusion I really need to learn how to better discipline myself and set aside some time for writing so that I can really be successful. So quick you all don’t have to answer at once lol can anyone give me some tips to help me become a better disciplined writer? Or is it all on me to figure out?

Last night I was having a nice little walk with my dog Ken and when I’m outside especially at night. I usually talk aloud and get everything off my mind that I’ve thought about throughout the entire day so this goes on for awhile just sharing my day and concerns and then out of nowhere this question forms in my mind : what do you want from life? How do you see it? And I really had to think about it for a moment but what came to my mind was that I want to share my life with everyone. I just want to give back. I want to save enough money to the point that I have no worries and I can just travel the world and focus on my writing. I want to take care of my family and then just really get close to myself really feel myself out you know? I wanna discover things, I wanna grow mentally, physically, spiritually and I wanna let go . Its funny I was talking to my uncle about this and he says : oh sounds like you’re ready for monkville” lol. But I dont necessarily see it that way at all . I just want to see so many things. I just recentlt finished Baldwin’s Giovanni’s Room and wow is all I could say. I want to evolve to that level of writing. Another thing I actually changed my blog name to the metamorphosis of lone because I see myself going through many changes just moving completely forward in my life. I don’t mean to put pressure on myself but by the time im 30 I want to be comfortable enough to travel t h e entire world so that gives me ahhh say 9 years. Wow I wonder what my life will be 9 years from now? Will I still be alive 9 years from now? Wow that’s interesting. I sorta can’t wait to find out . Lol but this is me just ranting 🙂

Sundaze

I danced today. No I really enjoyed myself today I don’t know what it was about today but something in me happened. It was like I let go of all the unnecessary worries and just lived right in that moment I laughed and I had a great time. The best part about it was that I was alone. Its really beautiful when you can pick yourself up and make yourself feel good. I also got my first writing assignment for this new writing job that I forgot to tell you guys about!! 😦 I do apologize for that! I’m a writer for this online magazine called The Urban Release its mainly pop culture type deal but any start is better than no start at all you know? One day I see myself writing for a big time magazine, along with writing a book. But hey I just wanted to share today. I hope all of you guys had a great Sunday!

demons.

Or maybe I just hold onto things that don’t need to be held onto any longer? This thought came to mind when I realized I had no one to really share my life with. I’ve been afraid to move forward with my life because somewhere inside me I feel like I’ll be making a mistake . A move doesn’t change anything except the scenery and people around you, what I’ve learned is that people can’t escape their demons eventually you have to learn to face them so here I am encouraging the idea now lets see how it goes.

Free Write

Everyday she’d sit at the park enjoying the scenery talking with nature. Sometimes it seemed as if nature were her only friend. She had so much to say with very few people to share it with more so she was satisfied with everyone in her life it was just that she longed for a companion. Someone that would raise her spirits when she felt as if she had nothing left. It didn’t have to be romantic all the time just someone she could watch the trees with and stir up meaninglessness intellectual conversation.

Someone to make her feel less lonely in such an empty world. She longed for someone she could share her world with and her perspective on things. Movies, songs, books they all had their idea of the way love was supposed to go but Luna had her own vision. Love in this world was shallow nobody really knew what it meant in fact she didn’t even know what it meant but she was reluctant to come up with her own meaning. She wanted to feel the joy birds felt as they sang in sync with the trees blowing in the wind.

The harmony the calmness she thought that’s how love should feel all the time. That feeling you can’t explain when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed pull your blinds up and the beauty of the sun takes you to a different place. That was love and the more she thought about it the more the idea of what love was to her seemed to fade like a distant memory within her forbidden dreams.