Tonight has been a good night I’d say . I just completely fell apart and still currently letting it all come out. Crying can be good for the soul. It started when I was laying down watching some def jam poetry because I’ve been itching to go to an open mic night! I’m trying to create the reality that I want but I feel as if I’m just letting everyone around me influence it. I seriously don’t know what the hell I’m doing I’m just doing it. Yes I’ve accomplished some things but I don’t feel that way. It’s like my desire, my drive, my dreams ar gone or just went dim and I have to find it again but where the hell is it? It’s funny because I don’t know how I got here. I’m not the type of person to put all of my business out to my friends or family because I don’t see the point I just rather deal with my problems on my own but what am I doing now? Letting all my problems out via blog where nobody knows me can see my truths. I mean I know everything is going to be fine and I’ll get through whatever it is I am going through at this current moment. Life doesn’t make sense and I don’t want it to make sense because that’s the beauty of it. I’m starting to feel a little better despite the fact that tears are still in my eyes.
So I’m currently apartment hunting and its such a super exciting process just for the simple fact that I’m moving out on my own but it also freaks me out a bit. I’m shooting to be moved into my new place by the end of this month. Hmmm “my new place” sounds cool already. 😎 But its like the more I think about it the more it weighs down on me that “yeah you’re an adult now” this is really sinking in on me. But no matter how old I get I’m going to forever be a big kid. Can’t help myself lol.
So it’s August already?! It’s like time is not holding still for anyone these days. Well as usual I’ve been your favorite workaholic so I haven’t been on my blog. I’m about to stop blaming work on not blogging because honestly if you want to know the truth sometimes I don’t even know what to say lol. I write in my journal everyday so I’m not ever sure if I need to blog if I’m journaling… but it’s different in a way.. I guess the journal is more private definitely my best friend to say the least.
Everything is going okay I suppose. I went to the farmer’s market over the weekend and got some cool stuff (crystals, sage, a satchel, and some fruits, veggies). It was awesome really because I didn’t expect all of that to be there. I guess I thought it would be only food. I talked to some interesting people about farming because I was thinking maybe of starting my own garden or something. You wanna know what else I thought about? I thought of maybe buying a piece of land, starting a farm, and even building my own house from the ground up.
I wanna have a place where people can just go and live with no distractions just peace. I think that would be an ideal lifestyle for me maybe further down the line because I’d like to see the world (still not quite sure how I’m going to make that happen yet). But next year I’d totally like to go to Italy for the summer or something. Another thing I also thought about was becoming a freelance writer or something so I can just do whatever I want without getting permission from other people to do things like go on trips and etc.
I’ve been thinking a lot about everything lately, so we shall see. Ohhhh and I also just got Ulysses by James Joyce yesterday, I’m super excited about this journey!! I know you’re all thinking this is like a super random post but so what? Cut me some slack I haven’t been here in awhile. Ohhhh I also got some new poetry I’d like to share. So once its together I will be posting. Have a great day everyone!